Pay attention to the questions running through your mind. They shape more of your experience than you might realise.
"Why does this always happen to me?" leads to a different life than "What can I learn from this?" The question frames the investigation. Different frames yield different discoveries.
Many of us ask questions without noticing we're asking them. They operate in the background, filtering our experience and directing our attention. Someone who habitually asks "What's wrong here?" will find problems everywhere. Someone who asks "What's possible here?" will find opportunities.
This isn't about positive thinking or denying reality. It's about recognising that our questions are tools, and different tools are suited for different tasks.
When faced with a setback, "Why me?" rarely helps. But "What's the smallest step I can take right now?" often does. When feeling stuck, "What's wrong with me?" deepens the rut. But "What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?" can reveal hidden possibilities.
"The quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our questions."
Some questions worth asking regularly:
"What am I optimising for?" This cuts through confusion by revealing underlying priorities. Often we're frustrated because we're trying to optimise for multiple conflicting things simultaneously.
"What would this look like if it were easy?" This question, borrowed from Tim Ferriss, challenges our assumption that worthwhile things must be difficult. Sometimes we make things harder than they need to be.
"What would I advise a friend in this situation?" We often know the right answer but struggle to apply it to ourselves. This question creates helpful distance.
"Is this a problem to be solved or a tension to be managed?" Some things don't have solutions—they have trade-offs. Recognising the difference saves a lot of frustration.
The questions we ask ourselves are habits. Like all habits, they can be changed with awareness and practice. Notice the questions you're asking. Ask whether they're serving you. And if they're not, try better ones.